Views of an Expert: A Mother’s Main Worries & How to Tackle Them (Part 2), ROUNDTABLE

Show Notes:

Several of our experts from our Provider Directory have come together in our fourth Roundtable discussion of 2024. This is Part 2 of our discussion on mothers’ main worries and strategies to address them. In this episode, the experts discuss the importance of balancing extracurricular activities. They discuss managing children’s anxiety in extracurricular activities and the need for healthy, non-toxic extracurricular environments. The experts talk about a mother’s concern over the health and well-being of their children when it comes to particular milestones and how it can become an overwhelming worry.

Make sure you listen to Part 1 where we discuss the difference between typical worries and more serious mental health concerns like anxiety disorders and OCD. We also discuss maintaining physical stamina over time when parents need a lot of physical energy to handle the daily tasks of raising children, such as requiring constant energy, resilience, and flexibility. 

This HER Health Collective Roundtable features the following HER Provider Directory Experts:

• Erin Jones, LCMHC
• Chasta Hamilton, Coach/Entrepreneur/Author
• Dr. Brook Orvis, PT
• Dr. Priscilla Hidalgo, MD
• Dr. Mbong Henry, PT
• Kristin Baker, PCC
• Dr. Katherine Hutchinson, PhD

To connect with any of our experts, please go to our ⁠website directory⁠. 

Episode Resources:

• Erin Jones, LCMHC – Bull City Anxiety and OCD Treatment Center
• Chasta Hamilton, Coach/Entrepreneur/Author – Stage Door Dance Productions  and Girls Geared for Greatness
• Dr. Brook Orvis, PT – Flora Physical Therapy
• Dr. Priscilla Hidalgo, MD – Lux Psychiatry
• Dr. Mbong Henry, PT – Radiance Physical Therapy
• Kristin Baker, PCC – KB Coaching and Lumo
• Dr. Katherine Hutchinson, PhD – Peak City Psychology

Support Mama Needs a Moment! Become a patron through our Mama Needs a Moment ⁠Patreon⁠.

HER Circle by HER Health Collective

Transcript

Cindi  

Welcome to another HER Health Collective roundtable, where we bring together experts from our provider directory to dive into topics that truly matter to moms. We host four of these roundtables each year, and they’ve become sort of our most popular episodes, I think because we have so many amazing women on here that people just love listening to these podcast episodes.

Each expert here brings a unique background and specialty, offering distinct perspectives on the topics we explore. These roundtables also foster collaboration among professionals from different fields, helping us to build a more holistic model of care for moms by joining forces our experts expand their referral networks and underscore the importance of a collaborative approach to maternal health.

Today’s roundtable focuses on views of an expert a mother’s main worries and how to tackle them. We’re thrilled to be joined by several her experts from our online provider directory. And the provider directory is a free public resource offering a carefully vetted selection of top professionals across the fields that support mothers. So be sure to go in and check out this directory for the highest quality providers in our community.

Before we get started, let’s hear from each of our experts as they introduce themselves and their areas of expertise. This will also give you, the listener, a chance to hear their voice, so that you’ll know who’s speaking throughout the discussion today. So we’ll get started. I’m looking straight into the eyes of Dr Henry. I know everyone’s on the edge of your seat. Who’s she calling first? And so Dr Henry, you’re it! Good to see you.

Dr. Mbong Henry  

Hello. Happy to be here. My name is Mbong Henry. I am a physical therapist specializing in orthopedics, so that’s your regular bones muscle problems as well as the pelvic floor. I have 15 years of experience helping adults in a variety of settings. And my private practice is Radiance Physical Therapy in Durham, I offer integrative pelvic health and women’s health coaching services, helping women and men and people of all genders through the lifespan, mainly adults, so teens and above.

So usually people see me if they’re having pain with using a tampon, pain with sex. They may be an athlete trying to prepare for birth. And quite honestly, even if you don’t consider yourself an athlete, preparing for birth is a very vigorous event on your body, and so is caring for small children.

So working together with my clients, I collaborate them to get to a full level of recovery so that they continue to be able to take care of themselves through the decades and beyond. And I’m also a women’s health coach, so I’m able to help women who are wanting to trade exhaustion and burnout for finding vigor and calm as they are navigating the challenges of being a working parent and also caring for your own parents.

Cindi  

Wonderful. Thank you so much. Mbong, it’s great to have you here, and you can have great insights, I’m sure. Erin,

Erin Jones  

Hi everybody. My name is Erin Jones. I’m a therapist. I’m a licensed counselor. I work at really great group practice called bull city anxiety and OCD treatment center actually located in in Chapel Hill, despite the bull city name, I specialize in working with kids, teens and adults with OCD anxiety or anything related to it. I’m especially passionate about working with parents and moms, I have some lived experience myself, and I’m pretty involved in the international OCD Foundation, and just have so much love for that community.

Cindi  

Thanks so much, Erin! So glad you’re here. Chasta,

Chasta Hamilton  

Good morning everyone. Thank you so much for having me. I am the founder and CEO of Stage Door Dance Productions in Raleigh, North Carolina, as well as the founder and president of Girls Geared for Greatness, which is a non profit. I am also a speaker, an author. I have three books. One is called Trash the Trophies, which is about our decision to extract our studios from competitive dance to focus on a more healthy and holistic competitive at life experience. The other is Handle the Horrible, which is all about how art is an opportunity for catharsis and resilience and adaptability in both children and adults. And then a children’s book called The Trophy Trap, which compliments Trash the Trophies, but for all youth activities because of the presence of toxic achievement culture. I love what I do.

I’m also a mom to a three year old, so I’m right in there in the trenches, not only professionally, but personally. And I admire what Cindi and Crissy do so much, and am excited to be a voice here this morning.

Cindi  

Thanks so much, Chasta, actually, both Crissy and my kiddos have used Chastas programs, and we think very, very highly of what she does. So thank you so much, Chasta. Brook,

Dr. Brook Orvis  

Hi, I’m Dr Brook Orvis. I’m a board certified pelvic floor physical therapist and a woman’s health practitioner. I am residency trained in the pelvic floor. I’ve been practicing for about seven years, and my private practice is called Flora Physical Therapy. It’s located in Durham, North Carolina.

So I love working with everyone with a pelvic floor, because everyone has one, men, women, kids, the LGBTQIA plus community. So I’m really passionate about providing inclusive care, really big, about being KINK positive, Health at Every Size, trauma informed. All of the things are very important, and they feel like nothing is off the table when I’m working with folks, because everyone poops, pees and has sex. So we should talk about it if you’re having issues. And I’m also a mother myself, so I have a two and a half year old toddler, and then I’m currently pregnant with our second.

Cindi  

 What? Congratulations. She just dropped that on us. Nobody knew. That’s amazing. Congratulations! Dr Hidalgo,

Dr. Priscilla Hidalgo  

 Hi! Thank you for having me. Well, I am Dr Priscilla Hidalgo. I am a psychiatrist. I have a passion for women’s mental health and physician wellness, and that’s usually what my practice focuses on. Even though my office is located in Raleigh, I see patients all over North Carolina and also Florida.

I primarily focus on medication management and psychotherapy, but anything related to women’s health, a huge bill for that. Another thing that I’m really interested in is just make sure that women and other patients can have easy access to a psychiatrist. So I made it very easy for people to get booked for an appointment with me. They can just go to this to my website, luxpsychiatry.com, fill out the form, and then they have access to my schedule so they can book when it’s most convenient for them so they don’t have to wait until I call back, because God knows when that will happen. So so yeah, so I just want to make sure that I am available to help people.

Cindi  

That’s wonderful, busy lives, right? Yes. Thanks so much, Kristin,

Kristin Baker  

Yes. Thank God for calendars. Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here with you all. What a great group of people. I am Kristen Baker. I am the founder of KB Coaching, and also Lumo, a co founder of LUMO. KB Coaching is my business, my private executive coaching business that I’ve been running for about nine years here in Durham, North Carolina, where I specialize in taking care of working moms who struggle to prioritize and reconnect with themselves, and all about moms getting to have a lot more fun, because I was once a mom that was having no fun, and I was really mad about it. So, you know, coaching saved me, and that’s why I do what I do.

I also have a business called Lumo, which is short for luscious mother. Don’t tell anybody that never would get through the corporate filters, but that’s why we changed the name. But that’s that’s more leadership development, partnering with companies to support working parents so that moms aren’t doing that out of their wallet. That’s our sneaky way of really, like transforming the workplace culture to make it more inclusive and more supportive of, you know, parenting when we are on a 7:15 to 2:15 schedule. I mean, that’s my kids schedule. I work from nine to five, so we try to do things to make that easier on parents and really be an advocate for parents in every way that we can.

Cindi  

Super! Thank you so much. Glad to have you here. Dr Hutchinson,

Dr. Katherine Hutchinson  

Hi, good morning. Thanks for having me. I’m Dr Katherine Hutchinson, and I am a clinical psychologist. I am one of the senior clinicians at Peak City Psychology in Apex, North Carolina, and I have always specialized in parenting stress, and particularly in mothers. And I see moms all the way from sort of the perinatal postpartum period, all the way up through childhood, into the transition to college and even parenting adult children. So that is what I do. And I’m also a mom myself. My kids are a little older. They are 17 and 20.

Crissy  

Moms often recognize the need to encourage extracurricular activities in their children. These activities contribute to a child’s overall development, their well being. Benefits can include building social skills, building confidence, exposure to new skills, stress relief, so many more. I know I see it in my own seven year old, and that child actually, when I pick her up from school and we don’t have an extracurricular plan for afterwards, she’s like, angry at us. She just wants something to do every day, and I’m like. I can’t do that. So extracurriculars are important for a variety of reasons.

That being said, it’s also crucial to avoid overloading children with too many commitments, because, as I just said, they’ll they’ll say, keep giving it to me, because it can lead to stress or burnout, of them or of me being honest here. And in addition to that, a lot of extracurriculars, and this is what I’m really excited to dive into. Can have a bit of a toxic culture, and that can be very worrying as a parent, as you’re deciding, is this something I know my child is passionate about, this sport or activity? Is this something I really want to, you know, put in their world because of certain things I’ve heard about this industry.

So I’m going to turn to Chasta, who just is a beacon in this world, and being able to talk about this topic. So Chasta, many parents are concerned about finding healthy extracurricular activities for their kids without falling into a toxic achievement culture or groupthink. Will you please explain what we’re talking about with these terms in regards to this topic, and how can parents safeguard their kids against these pressures?

Chasta Hamilton  

Absolutely. Thank you. Crissy, so children’s activities, they are varied. There’s so many opportunities, and I’ll always say that parents are typically always going to operate in what they feel or what they have learned might be in the best interest of their child. So similar to these facades of society, there’s so many facades of children’s activities that we can peel back and revisit and reconsider so that we can make sure that not only are we teaching children skills, but that we’re cultivating leadership, advocacy, self confidence, teamwork, all of those really great skills that extracurriculars can provide when they’re leveraged correctly.

I think the four things that parents want to look for when they are pursuing activities is knowledge. Right? 1. Knowledge:

Does the institution or activity have the skill set to teach the skill, but beyond that skill like what? How are they using the skill to teach other valuable lessons, to make it really meaningful, also safety, right? How does this center promote a transparent culture? How are the staff vetted? How can you monitor the classroom? How is there this trifecta of parent, youth activity center and child synergistically working together to advance the experience for the child also belonging.

2. Belonging:

Belonging is so important to me, because I think where we fall victim and children’s activity centers is there’s othering, whether it’s conscious othering or unconscious othering. Othering happens in the dance world. For example, body image. Body image is a huge conversation that we’re having. We recently diversified our dress code to make it more accessible to people, because can you practice ballet and not wear tights in a leotard? Yes, you can. And I read something a few months ago that said, dress codes are created by the observer, not the wearer. So this is one small example of like, how can we meet a participant where they’re at and say, like, Yes, this is what you can wear and be safe. But here are options, so that you’re learning body autonomy from like, a very young age, and you’re not caving into this authoritative standard that has existed for far too long in youth activities.

So how can children be seen for who they are, and how can the activity meet them where they’re at, so that they can then expand in their own voice, versus becoming part of a machine or a cycle? When I do a lot of work with college students, the number one thing that I’ll hear as they’re unpacking trauma from their youth activity experience is I didn’t know I could say that I didn’t want to do that, and it’s because they don’t want to disappoint the parent, because the parent is investing a tremendous amount of time, energy and resources into this activity, thinking that they’re doing it in the best interest of their child. They don’t want to say it to say it to the activity because of this authoritative standard of not speaking out or up like they don’t feel comfortable saying, I don’t want to wear that costume, or I don’t feel like that move is something that I should be doing. So it’s this cycle that we have to strip back and reconsider and then ultimately, ROI, right, what is the return on investment? What is this child going to take away in 5, 10, 15 years from being a part of this experience?

3 & 4. Community and Connection:

What we’ve landed on in our research as the most important and meaningful piece is community and connection, right? Did they feel like they were empowered in their voice? Did they feel like they were empowered in a skill, were they allowed to think outside of the box with authenticity and curiosity and a little bit of vulnerability? Those are all very important, and this is all a very new wave of thinking, and I’m hoping that more children’s activity centers are going to catch on, because children are the future. And. And there’s so much parental stress too, right? The anxiety of well, this is what everyone at my school is doing, or this is what everyone on this social media group is saying to do. But what I would encourage parents is you know your culture, your values and what you want for your child, and never be afraid to be an advocate for that with what you know is in their best interest.

Crissy  

Thank you so much. Chasta, there is a lot of external pressures around extracurricular activities for the parent and the child. I see it with my own kiddo. She’s recently become obsessed with gymnastics, and she really wants to master these moves, and there’s this pressure in her own mind where she kind of gets into the space of, I’m not good enough. I didn’t get it. And, you know, she wants to be the best. How does worry about these external pressures sometimes spiral into rumination? Erin, I’m going to direct this to you, and how can parents manage that with their children?

Erin Jones  

Absolutely, yeah, so now we’re talking about kids worrying and parents worrying about the kids worrying. I love everything Chasta said, especially about values and it’s such a good transition into this, this question and topic, I think even if we do all the things that Chasta recommended and and find this really excellent program or extracurricular, there can still be pressure inherently, you know. And I think kids can feel worried about their extra curricular activities for a number of reasons, you know. I think some of that can come up a bit a bit naturally.

They could care about it, and that could be the thing that that sparks some of their excessive worrying and rumination initially. It could also be if maybe the child leans to be maybe super competitive, or a little more achievement based or perfectionistic. You know, of course, if that’s in somebody’s tendency, that can make it a little bit easier for them to worry about these things, I think, like I was saying earlier, speaking about general worries and rumination with moms, it can also be kind of sneaky with the kids too, because rumination or excessive worrying is happening in your mind. So it can start to seem like, Well, okay, my kids very involved in this activity. They love it. They’re very into it, but they may start to think about it a lot and have all this pressure, and then start to maybe not have as much fun in the activity or in their daily life.

So I think some ways that we might spot, and then I’ll answer to managing that, but I think some ways that we might notice that in our kids with with activities would be not seeming like they’re enjoying it as much, especially with younger kids. It could be avoidance, like maybe they’re very into it, and suddenly they’re not really wanting to go anymore, like beyond just feeling sick or missing a day. I think at least for me, if I’m ruminating or thinking about something a lot, I might start to bring it up a lot more and talk about it excessively. So, you know, you may notice your child or teen, you know, maybe talking about a social dynamic or something that they’re concerned about with sports, you all start to talk about something else, and then they keep reseparating and returning back to the same concern or topic. So those could be some ways that it could come up. And also, like we had mentioned earlier, if it has to do with pressures around the activities, some of the stress could come up in other ways, right? So maybe, again, the child or teen could be having trouble sleeping, spending excessive time on their schoolwork. So if all of that’s happening, maybe we may want to consider if, if there could be some anxiety or ways that they’re pressuring themselves and it’s just coming out in other ways.

You know, as for parents helping children and teens manage this, I think, of course, if, if we’re spotting difficulty with our kids in their extracurriculars, we want to really start out by gently bringing up these conversations, right? And we want to approach our kids, no matter their age, whether a younger child or a teenager, with curiosity over criticism.

So what I mean by that is, you know, instead of saying things like, I think somebody brought up earlier, somebody saying, Don’t worry about that, it’s going to be fine. That doesn’t work. But we might say something like, Hey, I’ve noticed that. Yeah, you haven’t really been wanting to go to dance as much lately. What’s going on with that? Can you tell me more about it? Or, hey, you’ve been bringing up the soccer game quite a bit recently. Can you tell me more about that? And you know, hopefully that type of dialog, rather than again, being critical, will help your child feel more comfortable discussing these topics with you. If you find that your child is really ruminating or worrying excessively about their extracurriculars, you want to help collaborate with them and try to determine together if it’s if it. Is something that could be, you know, addressed or not.

What I mean by that is, is my kid worrying about something that I can help talk to their coach or their, you know, extracurricular leaders about or help them find a solution? Or are they worrying about something that maybe doesn’t have an answer to it? For example, how is the basketball game going to go? How am I going to perform? We don’t know that. But then, if that’s the case, I think that we can just really validate what our child is saying, like, it’s so hard when you don’t know what’s going to happen. I often feel the same way, hey, I’m going to be here for you, and I know you’re going to do the best you can. And of course, if we feel like, you know, there could be some anxiety, excessive rumination, really, in any area with our kids, but especially where it’s coming out in these activities that they care so much about, we can always consider, you know, being assessed for anxiety or trying some therapy, even if it’s not super severe, because therapy can really help the family and especially the child and teen become more aware of their own rumination and thinking patterns that might be influencing their anxiety.

Dr. Priscilla Hidalgo  

Yeah. One more thing to consider is that children may not have the language to express themselves in terms of what is going on inside of them. So it is also important to think about whether or not they’re displaying not only avoidance behaviors, avoiding behaviors when it comes to something that makes them anxious, but usually physical symptoms can also be a way for them to express something is not going well.

I know that we don’t often think about this, you know, in general, but our brains are connected to our bodies, and in the same way that people can experience like, you know, stomach upset and adults can experience that, that could actually be more frequent in children as a way of demonstrating that distress that they experience. So paying attention to things like that can also be really helpful if you know that your child may not have the language to really express how they’re feeling inside.

Crissy  

Absolutely. Thank you for that, both Erin and Dr Hidalgo, it can be difficult for a parent to not get caught up in societal pressures and future thinking, not talking about myself here at all. I’m very much talking about myself knowing that participation in extracurricular activities can strengthen college applications. Universities often look for well rounded students who have engaged in activities outside of academics. I remember this when I was teaching high school. They had freshmen coming in, and the amount of things that they were doing outside of school, and the amount of pressure they put on themselves, was out of this world. I sometimes just felt tears pricking in the back of my eyes as I listened to them share their anxieties about some of these things.

Certain skills and experiences gained through extracurriculars, such as leadership, teamwork or creativity, are valuable in future careers, but also there’s a limit. There has to be a line. And I saw in many cases where parents were just putting so much pressure on the kids to do all these things for these college applications, because you have to get in the best school. And there’s just so much pressure on the kids. Dr Katherine, what advice would you give to moms who want the best for their children but can inadvertently add to that toxic achievement?

Dr. Katherine Hutchinson  

This is such a good question. And as I said, my kids are older. I have one in college and one who’s in the middle of the application process right now. So this is a really personal and one that I’ve lived and in living myself, and I feel like you know one of the most important things is to really parent the child that you have right, and not the child that you expected that you might have, or that you dreamed you might have, or what you wanted to be able to accomplish when you were young. And that requires really paying attention and knowing your kid and giving them the opportunity to take the lead a little bit, especially as we’re talking about getting into high school and into those later teen years, we as parents really need to start to learn how to kind of move over to the passenger seat and let them be the driver, right? And that sometimes also means recognizing that there are a lot of different paths, right? There are 1000s of colleges. You can’t be so stuck on your child getting into one particular school or one particular pathway, there’s a lot of things that are out of our control. Your kid could do everything right, and that still might not happen, right? So taking that attitude of there’s a lot of different paths, there’s a lot of different timelines, and following the lead of your child and recognizing there are so many different ways that you can gain those experiences that are going to look great on a college application, should your kid decide to go that way, right?

You know, having a job that you’re really committed to and you’ve stuck with. For a long time can be, you know, something that is really impressive on an application, a hobby, arts, you know, sports, but you can’t do it all, and that’s not even going to look authentic on a college application anyway, right? So it’s figuring out what really lights my kid up, what do they have a natural proclivity for? What are they naturally drawn to? And giving them opportunities to pursue that, whatever that might look like.

And also, our job is to help our kids be healthy, right? Keeping our kids healthy and safe is probably our number one job, and recognizing that in high school that means is my kid getting enough sleep. I mean, there is an absolute epidemic of teenagers not getting enough sleep, and we could talk all day about what that leads to. So in addition to whatever extracurriculars they’re doing, they need time for sleep. They need downtime to recover from their day. They need time to socialize. They need time to play. They need time with their families. So is there a balance here?

Am I looking at my kid as a whole person, and not just as, you know, a potential college applicant? And I think knowing when to push and when to let go like that is, I think, the hardest aspect of parenting, sort of at any age, like, where’s the boundary? When do I push? And I think paying attention to your kid. How are they responding? If there’s a day where they’re saying, Oh, they really don’t feel like going to swim practice, but after swim practice, they’re energized and they’re happy, then okay, then maybe that is a place where you do want to encourage and push, whereas if you’re pushing them in at the end, they’re like, Ugh, that was the worst I you know, I don’t like it. Then, you know, maybe start to listen to some of that feedback.

But again, I would say parenting the child you have and letting them start to take the lead a little bit, and kind of taking your own self and your own ego out of it. And a lot of times that’s coming from a place of anxiety and reminding yourself lots of different paths, lots of different timelines, there’s not only one way to raise a successful adults.

Cindi  

Oh my gosh. Dr, Katherine, I feel like you’re talking directly to me. I have a high schooler just started high school, and so it all of this is coming into play, and all that you said was just amazing. Thank you so much for sharing that, and it was a great transition into the next question, because you had mentioned health concerns and sleep and making sure that they’re eating nutritious foods, another main worry that has been brought up by our expert community, as well as our member community of moms, is the concern over the health and well being of our Children, and one area that specifically causes a lot of stress and worry for moms is in potty training.

So Dr. Brook, when our children are young, it’s a huge milestone they have to achieve potty training. Obviously, they don’t go to college wearing a diaper, you know, majority of the time. So achieving this accomplishment can be full of stress and worry, especially if it isn’t taking a smooth path. You work with children on issues like bed wetting and constipation, but there’s also issues such as older children who can’t hold their urine throughout the night and it takes a long time for them to mature in that area. Can you share some insights into how parents can help with these particular issues, and how moms can potentially take the worry out of the process of potty training and perhaps their older children with their bad wedding issues?

Dr. Brook Orvis  

Absolutely, this is a really great question, and something that I see a lot in my private practice y’all, potty training is so freaking frustrating. It’s so hard. But if there’s something I could stress to parents that are in this season of life, and I am in this season of life with you, I promise I’m like riding the struggle bus with you is that your child will figure it out. They will figure it out.

I can’t emphasize enough that children that I see in the clinic for pelvic floor issues, like constipation, bed wetting, all of these things, a lot of times they actually pop up during the like, season of life, when these families are trying to get their kiddo potty trained. This is when, like, a ton of these things start, and for a lot of children, they can actually continue into adulthood. I just feel like there’s so much pressure as a parent like you have to have your child potty trained at a certain age because of the current systems or lack thereof that we have in place when it comes to child care and parental support.

Here in the US, a lot of families feel really pressured by their child care that they have in place to have their child potty trained in time to start daycare or preschool. But the fact of the matter is, most children don’t have the ability to stay dry through the night until they’re four to five years old. So I just like want everybody to know that that is like very, very normal, developmentally, and there are a lot of specific things that actually like need to be in place.

Your child has to developmentally be able to do in order for potty training to even be developmentally appropriate, they need to be able to actually verbally communicate with you. If they’re not talking like, how can you expect for them to tell you when they need to use the toilet? Being curious and, like, extra actually, like, interested in using the toilet. If your child is afraid of the toilet, Patty training is probably not going to go super well. And then, actually, like, expressing discomfort when their diaper is soiled or wet. If it’s not bothering them, then, like, why would they actually want to, like, use the toilet.

So again, there’s all of these things that actually have to take place in order for your child to be, like, exhibiting like, Yes, I am actually ready to begin potty training. And so again, I feel like the biggest thing I want parents to take away is that, yes, it’s definitely more convenient for potty training to occur earlier. But no one gets a medal or a word, typically, for learning how to poop or pee early. So that’s something I emphasize with parents a lot, is it’s really great if we can learn how to poop or pee at two years old. But again, it might, it might not be realistic for your child with where they are developmentally and like, that’s okay.

So I usually, again, I just feel like control is like a really big thing for a lot of toddlers, and they don’t have much control or autonomy for, like, most things throughout their day to day. But one thing they can control is if they use the toilet or not, and that’s one thing I go over a lot with my parents, is trying to figure out how to, kind of, like, let go of that control a little bit, which is really hard, especially when you need your child to learn how to poop in the toilet. So they can go to daycare, so they can start preschool when you need them to, because you’ve got two other kids there. Again, there’s just, like, a lot of family dynamics going on.

And for parents that are struggling, there is pelvic floor physical therapy treatment available. So if you feel like your kiddo is like, five or older and they’re still struggling with these things, you absolutely like there are resources available. We can go over like pooping positioning. We can make sure they’re coordinating their muscles the right way, because a lot of times kiddos try to withhold their poop because they’re afraid of using the toilet, and then that can be a barrier in and of itself. So I know it’s a loaded response, but I promise your child will learn how to use the potty in their own time, and if they don’t, there’s a pediatric pelvic floor physical therapist that can help you with that.

Cindi  

That’s amazing, Dr. Brook, that you shared all of that, because this is a very common worry that parents have, and it’s just one of the myriad of worries that moms focus on with their kids health. So Dr. Priscilla, from a mental health perspective, how can parents keep their own worries about their child’s physical health and check so it doesn’t become overwhelming, because it definitely can.

Dr. Priscilla Hidalgo  

Yeah for sure. And I think this is where, in part, you need to have somebody else that can be your sounding board or kind of your reality check person. This could be other moms or your partner, somebody that can tell you, maybe you’re worrying too much a little bit you know about this. Maybe you’re putting too much pressure on your kid about this.

I think also paying attention to the kind of social media that we consume, because in social media, we might be able to see other parents doing all these things with their kids, and then we’re comparing their best post with how we feel and what we’re doing every single day, and that is usually not realistic.

I was talking to a friend of mine. She has twins, and she’s an amazing mom, and she does this, like nature walks, and they do all these different things, and like mindfulness and all that. And I’m like, all that is great, but I’m not sure that I would be able to actually do all those things that she is doing. And I was like, I don’t even know how you have the time to do all these different things. And her answer was so great. She was like, oh, because I don’t post about how I’m actually, like, going nuts, or, like, when I started crying, and my kid was telling me, mom, remember, breathe, breathe. So she’s like, I don’t post about that stuff. I don’t post about my struggles. I post what actually is going well. So I think keeping ourselves in check can be really helpful.

But also, if you have already identified that, okay, I may be struggling with an anxiety disorder, get treatment. There’s no shame in getting treatment. I know that we have a stigma when it comes to treating mental health disorders, but your disorder might be affecting the way that you’re parenting your child, and also transmitting that kind of anxiety. Remember that kids look at us as parents, as our you know, is the world going well? If my parents are okay, then the world is going well. But if I’m seeing that my parents are freaking out. Over every little thing, then I’m going to feel unsafe, therefore making the kid feel more anxious and eventually develop an anxiety disorder.

And as I was saying, you know, this may not be a conscious process or an issue that you’re completely full aware of, but that’s where it also comes into listening to your body, you know, in the same way that people can experience headaches. Stomach upset, you know, your pelvic floor is going to get stressed. Your vagina is going to get stressed. So all these things are things to really consider. But I would say the main one is just to make sure that you keep yourself in check, that you know what you’re dealing with, that your anxiety is not really overboard, and in the same way that you’re practicing being kind to yourself, teaching that to your kid can also be very helpful, because if the kid learns how to be kind to themselves, then they’re going to be better equipped to deal with challenges later on in life.

Crissy  

I love that so much. There is a lot of gold nuggets in that conversation there. So thank you everyone for that. Thank you to each of our expert panelists for joining us today and sharing your insights on a mom’s primary worries and how to address them. We are so grateful for the time and the unique perspectives each of you brought to this conversation. For more valuable content from our experts, be sure to visit her, health collective.com throughout the year, we have new content coming out every week.