One mom’s struggle to become a mom finally ends with her own personal miracle.
For decades I had sensed a little boy in my life.
I saved boxes of things for him – Winnie-the-Poohs, Christmas ornaments, etc. Those boxes moved with me dozens of times throughout my 20s and 30s.
I envisioned myself at the beach with this little boy. I’d named him Jack, in my mind, my grandfather’s nickname.
As the years passed, the little boy I’d dreamed of didn’t come.
I tried and tried but never got pregnant. Though many times I’d been sad about my inability to conceive, I thanked the universe more than once for not allowing it.
By the time I was 34, I’d been married and divorced twice.
I was glad we didn’t have children to fight over.
When my third (current and LAST) husband and I got together, we knew we wanted children together. But after 5 years of trying – nothing. We gave up.
We decided we would hang out with our friends who didn’t have children either. I didn’t want to go through fertility treatment and to be honest, couldn’t afford that, nor adoption.
I would cry and cry. I didn’t go to friends’ baby showers. I didn’t want to see their existing children. It made me really sad.
Of course, people asked why I didn’t have kids.
What was I waiting for?
Why didn’t I “go ahead” and do it?
One person even asked me if I had prayed. As if women who really want and should have children just haven’t prayed hard enough, or for that matter, even considered it.
Then one day, when I was 38 years old, I felt sick. Like something was really wrong with me sick. It took me a few days to realize I should take a pregnancy test.
It was VERY positive.
But because we had given up, I wasn’t ready for him at first.
I suppose you never are.
We’d resolved that we weren’t having kids and I had two decent businesses going. I was a Realtor and I had two great contract marketing jobs.
As reality set in, I decided that I was too tired to continue doing it all. I handed most of my real estate clients over to my long-time business partner and kept the contract jobs.
Just before the baby was due, both companies I was contracting for, informed me they’d be hiring for full-time positions. Once filled, the contract positions would be eliminated. I’d worked for each of them so long, I thought there was no way I wouldn’t be hired for ONE of the full-time jobs.
I interviewed for one job over the phone when I was 9 months pregnant. I went in for the second interview 3 weeks post-C-section.
I didn’t get either job. I was devastated and scared.
My husband had been working as an artist and bartender for several years. We lost most of our income in one fell swoop.
For the first several months of our baby’s life, we were both seeking full-time employment.
Breastfeeding and interviewing – that was my new mom-life.
My parents helped us a lot.
After many job rejections, I finally decided just to ramp my real estate business back up. My husband eventually found a job he loves.
Looking back, though, it turned out alright.
I got to spend a lot of time raising our baby. When I did start getting more real estate work, I was able to get sitters when I needed. Then when he was 2, I put him in a nursery school two days a week. Everything slowly got more and more normal and I still got to witness his biggest milestones.
Our son is healthy, happy, and very funny. He is a miracle and not a day goes by (even the trying ones) that I don’t think about that miracle.
We are extremely fortunate to have him here.
His name isn’t Jack, as I’d imagined, but I wouldn’t have it (or him) any other way.