How to Make Food Choices that Serve You and Not Others
Featuring Christy Maloney, RD, LDN, CEDS-S, CPT
TRANSCRIPT:
Crissy Fishbane:
We are so excited to be here with Christy Maloney. She is one of our HER Expert Panelists, and provides a lot of great information for us specifically around diet and nutrition and eating disorders, which is something we’re going to kind of beat around the bush a little bit here, but we’re getting at some of the inner stories that we have around food. And that can play a big role in how people approach the food that they eat.
So specifically, we’re talking about, I cannot make other people happy at the expense of myself, specifically around food.
So Christy, one of the things we want to ask you has to do with how women make food choices. And I know I’ve done this, I’ve definitely kind of thought about who I’m eating a meal with. And it’s sort of played a role into what I decide to order or put on my plate. So I’d love to hear from you. How do women sometimes make food choices to please other people?
Christy Maloney:
Yeah, I completely agree with you. I think that a lot of times, women are content toward eating, like the people that they’re around.
I hear that a lot of times for my clients, especially if they’re going to eat with their mother and their mother was very diet conscious. And they’re like, Oh, well, I’m just going to order what she would approve, or if you go out to eat with friends who are all dieting, and they all order salads, but you really want something different. You order the salad just to sort of like fit in, which leads me to the first reason that sometimes women make food choices to please other people is to not be judged.
I think that we have a big fear of being judged around a lot of things, but particularly around food, especially given that, you know, for most of us, especially 30s 40s 50s 50 year olds, we grew up really heavily steeped in diet culture. So that was a huge part of the way we bonded with people. So veering out of that doing something different can create judgment.
Sometimes people will also want to make food choices to make it easy for others. And what I mean by that is they will eat things, because that’s what their family wants, right? The family wants something for dinner. But I always kind of tell moms put yourself on the grocery list. Meaning that you should get things that you enjoy as well, rather than just like placate the kids and the spouses and partners.
Another thing I’ve seen is eating pastoral to not offend the host of the party or gathering or eating things you don’t really enjoy to not offend the host, the party you’re gathering. And I know to some extent that we want to try things if someone’s hosting us and, you know, give new things a try. But if there’s something that a woman might know, I really don’t like this, but I can’t say no. Like I feel guilt around saying no, that is one thing that I definitely see a lot in terms of food choices to please other people.
Your body wants to work with you, even if you've been at odds for years or decades.
Other's Perceptions vs. Self Thoughts
Cindi Michaelson:
I can definitely relate to all of that. I’ve always had an alternate way of eating. I’ve tried on the vegan hat for a while. And I’ve always stuck to being vegetarian, I did add in fish. So that is I think labeled as pescatarian. But within my family, I always got a lot of feedback, a lot of feedback from my family about the difficulty with having to feed me and whatnot. So thank you for sharing all of that, Christy.
I’m really interested to know when it comes to the way that a person eats and the desire to shrink their body. In this case, I’m referring to losing weight in order to fit a certain perception that is placed on women. How often does this focus have to do with others perceptions of them versus their own thoughts on their body?
Christy Maloney:
I think that the focus on shrinking your body spending a lot of time invested in weight loss is almost 90% for other people.
The reason I think that is because and I know we hear it a lot talking about diet culture and the way women are cultured to be presenting the specific way. We grew up learning that and so a lot of people you know, my clients even into their 50s and 60s, still are really cling on to I have to change my body in order to be accepted. I think that if we didn’t grow up that way, if we weren’t cultured that way, it would feel very different and there would not be that focus.
The goal for any of my clients or for anybody listening right now would be to really come back to yourself and really try to understand what you need, what what feels good to you.
Really kind of noticing what what things you need to do for yourself versus how much of your actions and thoughts are consumed by this need to appear perfect for other people. And that is definitely the part of, I can’t please you at the expense of myself.
Making the Shift
Crissy Fishbane:
Christy, I’d love for you to give some specifics here, I guess, how can women shift from focusing on other people, when it comes to what they’re doing with food and weight loss, to refocus on body autonomy, and what it is they genuinely want for themselves.
Christy Maloney:
One thing that I like to have my clients do is notice when they are choosing something that is incongruent with what you actually want. I think that just the noticing is really great data and information to help someone be aware of how much of their choices are really, for other people and not them.
That could be taking notes on your phone, it could be writing in a paper journal, at the end of the day, it can be even just making like a tick mark in the notes on your phone of like, each time and it doesn’t have to be specific. But each time that happens to really see how often that is interfering with your life.
The other thing is, and it’s kind of coming back to the answer for the previous question is noticing how your body feels. Your body wants to work with you, even if you’ve been at odds for years or decades. So that would be that internal locus of control versus external locus of control, right? So external being dieting food roles, what we were told we should be internal locus of control being how we feel about our bodies intrinsically not based on data given to us or feedback given to us by other people.
Same with food, you really want to think about what feels good to you what’s congruent with your ethics, what’s congruent with the way that you want to eat, what makes you physically feel well and gives you energy? What makes you happy, you know, food is a large part used for socializing. So we want to factor that component in there as well, because it’s a critical piece of just being with other people and connecting with other people.
So the key there is noticing the thoughts that you have, or the choosing of something that is incongruent with what you actually want. And then noticing how your body feels and what it tells you. Because so often, especially if someone’s been dieting or following rules around food for decades, there is no intrinsic awareness of what’s going on. So we want to create that mind body connection again, even if it’s been a long time, you know, since you felt that.
Cindi Michaelson:
This was such valuable information, Christy, and I’m so glad that we were able to sit down and have a real, real talk with you and just be so honest and hear all of the answers that you have for us on these really important questions. So thank you so much for your time.
Christy Maloney is a Registered Dietitian specializing in helping those with eating disorders and disordered eating in Charlotte, NC. Christy earned a BS in psychology from Wingate University. Following a career in banking and finance, becoming an RD was a second career for Christy. After completing coursework for a BS in Human Nutrition and her dietetic internship, Christy has been an RD since 2011. In January, 2019, she opened her own practice in Charlotte, NC, Enhance Nutrition Associates, devoted solely to the treatment of eating disorders at an outpatient level. Christy has become a Certified Eating Disorders Registered Dietitian – Supervisor (CEDRD-S), now the CEDS-S certification . This credential shows Christy’s expertise and experience in the field. She also is an iaedp approved supervisor for other dietitians looking to obtain their CEDS certification.
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