Typing Our Kids Using the Enneagram

It makes sense that we want to use the tools that help us see ourselves more clearly to also see our children through that same clarity by using the Enneagram. When is it okay to type kids?

By Erin Baute, MPH, PhD, CET

When Is It Ok?

Many parents, who are also Enneagram Enthusiasts, often ask… when is it okay to type my kids?

 

It makes sense that we want to use the tools that help us see ourselves more clearly to also see our children through that same clarity. The reality is, the aspects of social and emotional intelligence applied in our adult relationships, does also apply to the relationships we have with our children. 

 

It’s a part of our nature to get a bit of helpful information about ourselves, and then want to immediately gain more information about the people we love, including our children.  

 

This, however, jumps us ahead in the process of emotional intelligence, and inadvertently focuses less on what we can actually control… ourselves.


While knowing the typing construct of another person, especially our children, is helpful, it is not necessary to create space for compassion, empathy, and support. 

We don't have to have certainty about someone’s personality type, especially our growing and changing children, to love and respect them.

Effective Parenting

What we need in order to effectively parent is to understand and utilize our emotional intelligence. Our emotional intelligence is made up of four components:

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Self-awareness: how well we understand ourselves (the Enneagram helps here).

 

Social awareness: how well we understand others, or at least how well we make room for others’ experiences (it’s not necessary to name someone’s experiences to be able to accept them). 

 

Self-management: how well we recover from our pinches and stressors in life (this is how we integrate body, mind, and heart to regulate).

 

Relationship management: how we facilitate repair in our relationships (and use all the tools above to help us move through repair more quickly). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

 

We don’t have to have certainty about someone’s personality type, especially our growing and changing children, to love and respect them. If we are aware of our own patterns and are resourced enough to recover when we are met with the inevitable “rub” of life, we will foster and facilitate healthy relationships. Period.


So instead of trying to figure out our kid’s types, we shift our focus and our energy to managing our own reactivity and making room for our kiddos to come to their knowing… on their terms. When our children are ready (usually by the age of 11 or 12), they can tell us which Enneagram Type they resonate with most. When they do, we’ll be ready to guide them on this next leg of their journey towards emotional intelligence.

Resources for You and Your Children

Here are some resources for you and to share with your children when they are ready: 

 

About the Wind, the Meadows, and the Nine Worlds

This is a great book to explore the different types through the stories within the book.

 

 

The Enneagram Types for Kids

Another resource of nine unique books for our children to explore the various aspects of type in their journey to discover their own type. 

 

 

The Enneagram for Teens: Discover Your Personality Type and Celebrate Your True Self

A great resource for our adolescent children as they learn how to utilize what they learn about their types with others. 

 

 

The Enneagram of Parenting: The 9 Types of Children and How to Raise Them Successfully

A straightforward guide to helping parents utilize what they learn about their children’s’ type. 

 

Erin is a professional business coach and leadership behavior strategist with over 20 years of experience in behavior change and professional development, working with individuals and teams. She has a bachelor’s degree in Human Development, Master of Public Health and a PhD in Organizational Psychology, with a focus on personal and professional development using personality as a framework, underway. 

Erin has been studying and using Enneagram for 13 years and is a Certified Enneagram Teacher and Trainer, and an Accredited Enneagram Professional from the International Enneagram Association (IEA). 

She is also working on her Somatic Experiencing™ practitioner certification to improve the impactfulness of the body-based and nervous system support that is so necessary in making lasting change. Erin has her own coaching business called Living the Enneagram.

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