Ways To Manage Mealtime Stress

External pressures are a significant factor contributing to mealtime stress, including societal expectations and diet culture.

By Anna M. Lutz, MPH, RD, LDN, CEDRD-S

TRANSCRIPT:

Crissy:

I am so excited to be here with you today. We are with Anna Lutz today. Anna Lutz is one of our long time experts, registered dietitian and nutritionist, and we are diving into a topic that I know so many of our moms truly struggle with, so many families truly struggle with, and that is the stress of meal time. Anna, this was a topic that you had mentioned and brought up. So this must be something that comes up for you a lot too.

 

Anna Lutz:

Absolutely. I mean, it comes up for me personally that I find that meal times can be stressful, but it’s also something I hear about so much from the clients I work with and from the families I interact with out on social media and on the internet, is that just just it can just feel overwhelming and and can oftentimes it’s supposed to be a fun time to connect with family, but it can feel so stressful.

 

Crissy:

I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed that I heard you say that, because your kids are slightly older than mine, so I thought there was an end on the horizon. But oh well, I guess it’s just part of life. I will say it gets easier, okay? I will take that. It is stressful in different ways. I mean, as is all aspects of parenting, it just keeps rolling with you. So why do you think meal times are so stressful for parents? Right?

I really believe that if we feel less stressed and more supported as parents, our children are going to feel that, and then if our children are feeling less stressed and more supported, they're going to eat better.

Contributing Factors

Anna Lutz:

I think there’s a lot of factors. I think the big one I think about is the pressure that’s put on us from the outside of what mealtimes should look like. You know, what our kids should should be eating, what our kids shouldn’t be eating, how much they should eat.

 

I think parents are bombarded with, you know, all these shoulds, and it’s really influenced by diet culture and and that body should look a certain way. And I think parents really internalize that, you know, and it’s not any anyone’s fault. It’s if we’re all swimming in this culture that puts all this demands on us as parents.

 

And so, you know, dinner time or a meal time that can all kind of come up to the surface of thinking: to be a good parent, I should be making sure my kids are eating in a certain way. You know, for a parent who has a picky eater, there might be pressure around that.

 

In addition to those external demands, I also think dinner time in particular is kind of put on this pedestal. It’s the end of the day. We should all be connecting, and kids are tired, you know. So there’s that, just like reality of it’s a lot, it’s been a long day, especially if you have young kids, they’re tired. It’s almost bedtime, and so again, kind of feeling like it should be some wonderful experience, and it doesn’t play out how we might be telling us ourselves that it should.

 

Crissy:

You know, in everything you were saying, I heard all the “shoulding.” And you know, we always hear we shouldn’t, should all over ourselves, and it’s so true.

 

And I think with so much of what you said, it makes me think of two things, really, our generation and how we grew up, and sort of that pressure around diet culture, and you have to have three bites of your vegetables before you can have a dessert, and that’s how we were raised. So it makes sense that we have that kind of shooting in our head on that topic.

 

And then simultaneously, I thought about social media, and all of these Instagram accounts of all these super moms that have, you know, all their vegetables cut like flowers and it the whole plate is perfectly portioned of everything. And how that can make a parent feel that sense of shoulding, like I’m not doing quite enough because everyone else is doing.

 

Anna Lutz:

I’m so glad you brought up social media. I think that’s a huge influence on on us as parents. It’s those images of what these perfect plates, or these perfect lunch boxes, or whatever it might be. And so I just, I think that’s such a good point.

Advice From An Expert

Crissy:

What advice do you have? What advice do you give parents who are saying, oh, meal time is so stressful.

 

Anna Lutz:

So, I mean, my number one piece of advice is, if you can to take a moment outside of the of a meal time and think about what you need as a parent to feel more supported at meal times, and maybe to try to think about what those expectations are and what you can let go of.

 

And so, you know, this could be thinking like, wow, I’m always where I’m sitting at the table is always beside the. You know, the child that I’m really worried about, if they’re eating enough, you know, what if I think I might do better if I change my seat or change the child’s seat so it could be something physical, like, what do I need as a parent to be able to settle in and feel more grounded at meal time?

 

Or it might be I need five minutes, you know, before we sit down on the table, to myself, and I need to ask my partner, give me five minutes and you know, then let’s get everybody to the table.

 

It could be to say, You know what? I’m going to let go of, of these expectations that everything needs to be home cooked, and I’m going to try to come up with some really simple meals and let go of the perfect what’s for dinner and just focus on trying to feel more grounded at the table, and not even if it’s peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and sliced apples for dinner.

 

Let’s, let’s kind of focus on decreasing that stress and not worry so much about what’s on the table. And we can get to that later, kind of starting points.

 

Crissy:

So important! I heard in that a very strong message to focus on, what you have control of and what you need. Because I think so much of this pressure, we’re thinking about what the kids need and how we can fulfill everything for the kids, and what the kids are or are not doing or eating, and ultimately, they are their own person, and we can’t control that, but what we can control is ourself.

 

So such a powerful message.

 

Anna Lutz:

And I just I really believe that if we feel less stressed and more supported as parents, our children are going to feel that, and then if our children are feeling less stressed and more supported, they’re going to eat better.

 

And so our goal ends up, you know, it’s the thing we, all of us, want our children to, you know, eat well and thrive and be happy and just kind of remember that it really needs to start with us feeling more supported and less stressed with our with how we feed our family, and to work on blocking out that noise that we, that we were talking about at the beginning of this.

Help! My Child Needs More

Crissy:

Absolutely, I know that this is something that comes up often. We talk about it in our HER Circle, Facebook group all the time. What advice would you offer to a parent who is worrying that at mealtime, their child isn’t eating enough food, or perhaps this is one that comes up a lot, aren’t getting enough fruits or vegetables?

 

Anna Lutz:

Yeah, yeah. So that’s a really great question, and so some of it would be the same of, okay, how? What do I need to decrease the stress level at the table?

 

But I also really encourage parents to remember we can’t make our children eat a variety of foods. We might be able to coerce our children into eating a few bites of something at a certain meal time, but if we can zoom out and think, okay, parenting is a long, long range range. We have long range goals. We have years that we’re gonna, you know, working on this.

 

And instead of thinking, okay, my child has to eat something at this meal, to think I’m teaching my children over time to eat well, and so that might be, I’m making sure there’s a fruit or vegetable on the table, it’s being passed, or if making my child’s plate, I’m putting it on the plate and and that there’s exposure in that, and without the pressure of you have to eat this, or you have to do this, that exposure can go a long way.

 

The research really shows that it’s the exposure, whether it’s seeing someone else eating it, smelling it on the table, whatever that might be, that really helps that over time, that child’s more likely to try it. So just to kind of remind remind yourself, okay, it’s not my goal to make my child eat it. It’s more to model what a balanced meal looks like.

 

So that kind of speaks to the fruit or vegetable part, the eating enough part, you know, is, is that it’s that’s a kind of a very complicated question to answer, but I really do think about what, what do I need to decrease stress level, and then what does this child need to settle into the meal?

 

And I might look at the timing of the child’s eating before the meals. Are they coming to the table hungry? What else might be going on? And of course, if you’re you’re worried about their growth and development, it’s always good to sit down with a dietitian and try to assess that together.

 

Crissy:

Oh my gosh, such important advice and information. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and insights with us today, Anna.

 

If you are interested in more information from Anna, she has a wealth of resources available on her website, the Sunny Side Up Nutrition website as well as HER Health Collective. She writes and provides content for us regularly, so be sure to check that out. Thank you, Anna!

 

Anna Lutz:

Thank you! So fun to talk about this.

Anna Lutz is a Registered Dietitian with Lutz, Alexander & Associates Nutrition Therapy and specializes in eating disorders and pediatric/family nutrition. Anna practices from a Health at Every Size® approach and supports individuals in breaking free of diet culture for themselves and their families. Anna is a national speaker and delivers workshops and presentations on childhood feeding, eating disorders, and weight-inclusive healthcare. Anna writes about nutrition, cooking, and family feeding, free of diet culture, at Sunny Side Up Nutrition. She is the mom of 3 very different eaters.

Spread the word

  • Comments are closed.
  • Medical Disclaimer: All content found on the HER Health Collective Website was created for informational purposes only and are the opinions of the HER Health Collective experts and professional contributors. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.  If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately.