Why Parenting is Actually a Secret Work Superpower
By Dr. Anne Welsh
When I had my first child, I was really worried about how I would do work and mothering. I wasn’t sure how I could possibly show up at work the way that I had pre-baby, and manage to be the parent that I wanted to be. The reality is that I was right- I couldn’t. However, as I’ve grown and shifted my career while having four kids, I have also recognized the benefit of that reality!
The Tightrope of Work and Parenting
Sometimes it feels like parenthood and work fall in totally separate silos- and that each pulls away from the other. When I am at my kids soccer game after school, I am not able to meet with a client. When I am giving a leadership workshop in another state, I’m not the one at home to take care of a skinned knee or a broken heart.
Walking this tightrope can feel challenging, and that is not wrong. It is hard. Yet work and parenthood actually inform each other. There are ways in which my learning at work has helped me be a better parent, and parenthood is actually a masterclass in leadership skills.
When you become a parent (whether birthing parent or not), your brain primes for learning. While you might be a little more sleep deprived, you also become more attuned to the feelings and needs of others, and you gain significant practice in a number of skills that are vital to leadership.
Sometimes it feels like parenthood and work fall in totally separate silos- and that each pulls away from the other... Yet work and parenthood actually inform each other.
5 "P" Leadership Lessons of Parenthood
1. People skills. This one might be the most obvious. As a new parent, you have to make enormous strides in reading, regulating, and communicating emotions. You are forced into growing more emotionally intelligent and empathic. These are all of those “soft skills” that we often speak about contributing to excellent leadership.
2. Processing skills. As a parent you are constantly “drinking from the firehose” as you learn a ton of new skills. You have to quickly take in a lot of information and act on it. This is often the case for leaders- both emerging and senior. You get more practice with being decisive, adaptive and resilient.
3. Productivity Skills. When you are a parent, you learn how to make the most of a minute and get the job done. You have to become both efficient and patient. Think of the growth in patience you get when trying to get a toddler to do ANYTHING! If you can get a toddler to get on their shoes, you can get a team to come together on any project.
4. Perspective taking & Planning skills. As a parent we have to multitask, and see both the bigger vision and the small steps to get there, whether that is making sure kids have all their stuff for soccer practice or we are figuring out a discipline plan that works for our family. These are also clearly key in leadership. We must develop a plan and follow through on a daily basis- and the ability to practice that skill at home can fuel our performance at work.
5. Playfulness. We don’t often think of playfulness as a skill, yet I argue that it is an important one! In fact, according to the Broaden and Build theory, positive emotions, generated in play, allow for more creative problem solving. As a working parent, you end up getting more playful- because it is part of how we interact with our children and how they learn. This allows us to transition out of work more quickly (it’s hard to think about work when I have a giggling kid with me), and it also allows our brains to process work on a different level. Playfulness at home fuels creativity for solving whatever new challenges show up.
Recognizing the Connection Between Work and Parenting
When we think about work and parenting as detached, and as warring parts of our lives, we end up disappointed. We inevitably feel like there isn’t enough of us to go around. However, when we recognize the feedback loop of the two, we can hone and develop a whole new skill set that fuels performance at work and our role as parent. What are some ways in which parenting has helped you at work? Where does it feel like more of a challenge?
Dr. Anne Welsh is a clinical psychologist, executive coach, and consultant. Dr. Welsh began her career at Harvard before taking her own step-back and opening her own practice with a focus on supporting working parents in growing their careers and families. She is an expert on the transition from working person to working parent, having dedicated her life to unraveling the interplay between career aspirations, personal fulfillment, and women’s mental health throughout the lifespan. She is certified in perinatal mental health, parental leave coaching, and Fair Play.
She is a mother of 4 and draws on her own experience as a mother, her research career in the transition to motherhood, and her 15 years in practice to help parents feel less alone, more connected to themselves and their values, and more empowered to make their own choices.
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