Show Notes:
What should parents do when a child comes out? In this insightful episode, licensed clinical mental health counselor Dr. Sam Simon offers compassionate, practical advice for supporting LGBTQ+ youth—starting with simply saying, “Thank you for telling me.” She discusses how to respond with openness, avoid assumptions, and create a safe space for kids to explore their identities.
Dr. Sam highlights the impact of today’s political climate on queer and trans youth, shares why finding affirming therapists matters, and points parents to trusted resources like The Trevor Project, PFLAG, and local LGBTQ centers.
Whether you’re a parent, educator, or ally, this conversation will help you show up with knowledge, empathy, and support.
Top Three Things You Will Learn In This Episode:
How to Respond When a Child Comes Out
Learn why the first response should be gratitude (“Thank you for telling me”), and how to ask your child how they want to be supported without making assumptions.
How to Create a Safe, Supportive Environment
Understand the importance of approaching identity with curiosity—not doubt—and how to create space for exploration, especially based on a child’s age and developmental stage.
Where to Find Reliable Resources and Support
Discover key resources like The Trevor Project, PFLAG, and local LGBTQ centers, and get tips on finding queer- and trans-informed therapists and online communities for ongoing support.
Episode Notes and Resources:
Avighna Holistic Care (Dr. Sam Simon) website: https://www.tebra.com/care/practice/avighna-holistic-care-568775
Trevor Project – https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
P flag – https://pflag.org/
Human Rights Campaign HRC – https://www.hrc.org/
Erin in the Morning – https://www.instagram.com/erininthemorning/?hl=en
Support Mama Needs a Moment! Become a patron through our Mama Needs a Moment Patreon.HER Circle – https://www.herhealthcollective.com/membership
Transcript:
Crissy
Today, we are joined by Dr Sam Simon, a licensed clinical mental health counselor, nationally certified counselor, and the clinic director at La mental health in Raleigh, North Carolina. Dr Sam specializes in working with the LGBTQ plus community, especially gender expansive folks, and supports clients through identity, exploration, anxiety, depression, life transitions and relationship challenges. Dr Sam works with people ages 16 and up using a person centered, intersectional and holistic approach that blends CBT, DBT, somatic, work and solution focused strategies. Dr Sam is a queer and trans inclusive, trauma informed, culturally sensitive clinician who honors the full complex identities of every person she works with today. She’s joining us to talk about how to care for and support your LGBTQ plus kid in today’s political climate, a timely and very important conversation we are so grateful to have. Thank you for being with us today. Dr Sam.
Dr. Sam Simon
Of course, thank you so much for having me. I’m very excited to talk with you guys.
Cindi
Dr Sam, when a child comes out, whether it’s about their sexual orientation, their gender identity, or both. It can be a big moment for them as well as the parent. What are some helpful first steps that parents can take in that moment to show love and support and openness, even if they feel surprised or unsure about what to say?
Dr. Sam Simon
Yeah, yeah, that’s a great question. And I think first and foremost to thank them, to thank your kiddo for feeling that you are safe enough to share themselves with you. This is a big one, and so I think parents, you know, if your kiddo is coming to you and sharing this piece of themselves, it’s very vulnerable to do, and that shows, hopefully, that you’ve created a safe space to do that. So thanking them for doing that is a pretty big one, you know, as well as asking them how they want to be supported. So we can guess, you know, I think we can go into our parent mode and be like, Okay, I’m going to armor up and I’m going to do this, I’m going to support them in this way, and we might not actually know the best way that they want to be supported. And so that might be, Hey kiddo, like, I appreciate you sharing that with me. I’m always here for you. And what are ways that I can support you if they know they know, and sometimes they might know. But it might be something like, Yeah, can you actually talk to Uncle Pete? Because he said some things that make me uncomfy, and you get to be that advocate.
Cindi
Does it matter what age they are? Does it shift if they are younger versus older?
Dr. Sam Simon
For sure, I think it shifts if they’re, you know, younger, as in, they don’t, they might not really have an understanding of what they may need. And so we do go into more of a protective bubble, and we say, okay, like you might not know what you need, but if anything ever feels uncomfy to you, or if you ever need my support, or if you ever feel like anxious around certain people, and kind of explain those emotions, let me know, and we can figure it out together. It’s okay for you both to kind of not know where to go or what support that they may need.
Cindi
So what I’m hearing from you, from the statements that you’ve already mentioned, there’s nothing in there about questioning them. “Are you sure? How do you know?” Is that right? Do we just go with it and basically have them figure it out on their own, just knowing that we’re supporting them?
Dr. Sam Simon
I think you know there can be some exploration, but coming from a place of curiosity, instead of Are you sure, right? I think the Are you sure gives this understanding of like, oh, well, I don’t know. Like, I could be wrong about my identity and myself, whereas, like, Okay, well, if that’s something you want to explore, can we explore that together? Can you explain that to me a little bit more as to why I’d love to get to know your reasonings behind things, and that offers a space of openness for you both to just do some understanding.
Crissy
Not every LGBTQ plus kid will need therapy right away, but for many, having that safe space to talk can truly be life changing. What should parents look for in a therapist or support system that affirms their child’s identity. Are there any types of therapy or support groups that you’ve found can be particularly helpful?
Dr. Sam Simon
Yeah, well, I think it’s important that we acknowledge that like, you know, something’s only ever a problem if it’s a problem. So. Now we do know, and we have information from a company, a site called The Trevor Project, who does a lot of research with LGBTQ youth. And their recent survey from 2024 they took a survey of like 18,000 folks, and it showed that 45% of trans and non binary people reported that their family has considered moving to a different state because of the political climate, and 90% of queer and trans people said their well being was negatively impacted due to recent politics. So like, I bring out those numbers, because it’s important to know, like, just the climate that we’re in could be reason enough for if your kid comes out to you and is queer or trans, they might be interacting with certain people and in this political system that they just need support from someone who gets it. And so I think seeing a provider who does who on their profile says that they are queer, trans, informed, I think, is really, really important. And I also want to highlight that therapy can be for the parent too, right? So, like, this is a huge transition for any family you know doesn’t matter what the identity is, but having your child figure out who they are and having some independence in that and that you might want your own therapy just to feel confident and comfortable, to have someone to talk to as well.
Cindi
I’m curious about parents who want to support and better understand their LGBTQ plus child. Where should they start? I’m sure that it’s, it’s overwhelming.
Dr. Sam Simon
Yeah, it is, it is. I hear a lot of parents. They come with good intentions. They’re like, I don’t want to get anything wrong. Like, I don’t want to hurt my kiddo. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. And there’s something that I was told a long time ago that’s really, really important, which is we are all allowed to speak in draft, meaning that we’re speaking the truth from the information we know at the time, and that can change when we get more information. So one place to get more information is, I mentioned the Trevor Project, and is a really great resource. Also, P flag. P flag has been around for forever, and it’s specifically for parents of queer and trans folks, and they have a bunch of wonderful resources for families and how to talk to your kiddo and terminology, because it’s changing and and I think just finding your own support. So being in the HER Collective right, like talking to folks, talking to other parents, I think is also a really great resource.
Cindi
I’m sure that there’s a lot of other places that parents can go to find reliable, inclusive and affirming information. Is social media, a place that we can go for reliable information? Or would you encourage us to stay more towards books and websites and the organizations you mentioned?
Dr. Sam Simon
I think social media is for sure, a good place to go to find support local PFLAG chapters usually have social media as well. The Human Resource campaign HRC has social media that can help the strong family Alliance. And then one particular, I think, for parents, it can be really hard to gather what is true news right now? What do I actually need to be concerned about in my state? And so there is social media, and this person called Aaron in the morning. And I don’t know if you’ve heard of them or not, but they’re a wonderful human and they kind of give information for trans and queer folks and the laws that are coming out and what we need to pay attention to. And there’s a community around that as well. And so there are also communities for parents of queer and trans folks on Facebook and your local LGBTQ centers as well.
Crissy
Such a powerful and important message always, but today especially, and I know that this will hit home for a lot of families and be helpful for so many so thank you truly, Dr Sam, for opening up and sharing your insights and wisdom with us. We do appreciate it.
Dr. Sam Simon
Of course. Thank you both so much.
