The Power of Your Nervous System
By Erin Baute, PhD(c), MPH
Our Nervous System's Affect on Others
Did you know that your nervous system influences the people around you—your partner, kids, co-workers, family, friends, and even strangers? The state of your nervous system can play a powerful role in how others feel and behave. When we’re calm and grounded, we can help others feel more relaxed, but when we’re anxious, stressed, or agitated, our nervous system can trigger similar feelings in others. Ultimately, our nervous system is a tool for both co-regulation (helping others feel steady) and co-dysregulation (heightening stress in others).
Our nervous systems are powerful, and understanding how they work gives us the ability to manage our own reactions and triggers. When we know how to regulate ourselves, we can avoid dysregulating others with our stress and anxiety. In contrast, by maintaining a steady state, we can help others find calm through our presence.
Many of us are accustomed to using external strategies to help regulate ourselves, especially if internal self-regulation feels new or challenging. External strategies are valuable, but not a replacement for our inner work.
Somatic Experiencing Therapy
In Somatic Experiencing Therapy, we explore the role of the nervous system in our interactions. We learn that our nervous system is the average of those few nervous systems around us, whether that’s our family at home, our team at work, or our circle of friends.
What It Looks Like
Take a moment to reflect: What is the collective nervous system like in the environments you’re a part of? Do you feel calm and regulated, or do you often feel tense and dysregulated?
Does ‘Becky’ at work always leave you stressed and agitated?
Maybe you are picking up on her nervous system.
Did that aggressive driver leave you feeling unsettled and jittery?
Maybe you are reacting to their nervous system.
On the other hand, think about that friend who leaves you feeling warm and at peace—chances are, you’re positively influenced by their calm, regulated state.
Being able to observe and manage your nervous system is a powerful act of self-awareness, but it takes practice. Just as you wouldn’t expect to build strength by going to the gym only once, learning to self-regulate your nervous system requires consistent practice and attention.
One powerful way to start this journey is by getting to know your Enneagram Type, which can offer you insight into your unique stressors, triggers, and natural ways of finding calm. When we understand these identity-based “agitators,” we can start to manage our nervous system from the inside out, creating a personal pathway to a balanced, grounded state. Knowing your Enneagram Type can help you better understand what’s happening with your nervous system, and implement self-regulation strategies that are effective for your unique personality.
How the Enneagram Plays a Role
Learning to manage our nervous system and regulate ourselves is such an important part of how we love others well. No two nervous systems are alike, so using your understanding of your Enneagram Type may help you find regulation strategies that are a good fit for you.
Many of us are accustomed to using external strategies to help regulate ourselves, especially if internal self-regulation feels new or challenging. External strategies are valuable, but not a replacement for our inner work. They are, however, a great place to start if this work is new to you, as they can help us calm down and feel more centered (especially in moments of high stress).
Here are some examples of external self-regulation strategies tailored to each Enneagram Type:
Type One: Cleaning your desk, tidying or organizing something.
Type Two: Helping out a friend or co-worker.
Type Three: Making a to-do list and getting a clear picture of your tasks.
Type Four: Listening to music or being in an environment that evokes beauty.
Type Five: A quiet, calm place like out in nature or in your home.
Type Six: Capturing all of your questions about something in one place.
Type Seven: Exploring the potential of doing something ‘new,’ even if you don’t act on it.
Type Eight: Offering your help to something more vulnerable, like animals at a shelter.
Type Nine: Maintaining a comfortable routine.
These strategies help us manage our nervous system externally, but internal regulation is just as important. As we learn more about our Enneagram Type, we can deepen our ability to self-regulate internally, finding methods that suit our personality on a deeper level. Internal regulation means finding ways to address our emotions and stress without relying on external changes, which helps us stay steady even when situations around us are challenging.
Just remember...
…it’s a lot easier to handle the hard things that happen outside of our control when we know how to hold what feels hard within us.
Taking the time to learn how to self-regulate allows us to bring our best selves into our relationships and interactions. As a result, we’re able to love others well and be a positive, calming influence in their lives.
By learning your Enneagram Type, you’re taking an important step toward understanding your nervous system and developing the internal resources needed to navigate stress. This journey of self-regulation may take time, but with each step, you’ll grow stronger, more resilient, and better equipped to face life’s challenges from a place of calm and connection.
Get to know how to start the work of internal self-regulation by learning your Enneagram Type!
If you are unsure of your Enneagram Type and want to know how it might be affecting your behaviors, get started using this Enneagram Self-Typing Starter Kit.
If you know your Enneagram Type and want to dive deeper into how it affects the motivations behind your behaviors, here are Living the Enneagram self-paced online Enneagram courses.
Erin Baute helps entrepreneurs, business owners, managers, and influential people find their way back from the personality burnout experienced when our coping strategies get overused and our intuition ignored. She is a skilled business coach and behavioral strategist with over 20 years of experience in behavior change and professional development with individuals and teams. Erin earned a bachelor’s degree in Human Development, Master of Public Health and is finishing her PhD in Organizational Psychology, with a focus on personal and professional development using personality as a framework.
Erin has been studying and using the Enneagram for almost 13 years. She is a Certified Enneagram Teacher and Trainer, and an Accredited Enneagram Professional from the International Enneagram Association.
She is working toward her Somatic Experiencing practitioner certification to help her clients make lasting body-based changes and improve her ability to help them find holistic coping strategies for who they are, today.
Instagram: @livingtheenneagram
YouTube: Living the Enneagram
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