Conducting Life's Chaos: Why Harmony Beats Balance
By Dr. Anne Welsh
The Fantasy
Anne Welsh
Hi everyone. I’m Anne Welsh, and I’m a clinical psychologist and executive coach and a mom of four. My work and honestly, my own life centers on a particular kind of woman, the one who cares deeply, who wants to do everything well, and who is juggling career and parenting and relationships and identity and ambition, with one hand holding it all together, and the other hand Googling, is this normal at 2am
Anne Welsh
I work with a lot of women who are in the thick of all of that, who are maybe successful on paper, but feeling stretched really thin, and who maybe are silently wondering, why does it feel like I’m never doing enough. For a long time, I thought the answer was to find balance right, to somehow get everything right.
I used to believe that being a good mother and a good leader meant keeping everything under control, every detail perfect, every part of life in harmony all the time. I’m sure you know the fantasy right? Calm mornings, fulfilling work, present, parenting, strong relationships, nourishing meals, exercise, creativity, a clean house, eight hours of sleep.
Let me just say I have never once lived a day that looked exactly like that. But I spent years trying to and I kept thinking if I got the right system, the right schedule, the right level of effort, I’d finally feel like I was the one in control and could hold it all. But then I remembered something I learned from a very different part of my life.
One of the biggest traps that I see, especially for mothers, is believing that whatever you're feeling in the moment defines your whole experience.
The Music Analogy
See, I’ve been a musician for most of my life. I play the harp and I sing, and in college, I was so serious about it that I actually almost went to grad school for Musicology, and something clicked for me when I thought about how conductors lead when I was younger.
I thought that conductors were just up there kind of responsible for making sure everything was happening at once, keeping everybody on time, making sure no one missed a beat. They were in control. But when you really watch a good conductor, you start to understand that’s not what they’re doing. A good conductor knows the entire score, but they’re not forcing every instrument to play at full volume. They’re shaping the sound.
They bring the strings forward, they let the brass rest. They pause for silence, hold space for a solo. They decide what needs to be heard right now and trust that the rest of the orchestra is still playing their part of the music, even when it’s quiet.
Being the Conductor
Anne Welsh
That image reframed how I think about work, life, harmony, especially as a mother, because if I’m honest, most of us are trying to live like we are playing every instrument in the orchestra at once, at full volume, perfectly in tune, with no mistakes. And then we wonder why we’re exhausted all the time. But harmony isn’t about doing everything all at once, right? It’s about bringing things in and out and trusting that what matters will have its moment in the score.
In my own life, some seasons, my career carries the melody. Sometimes it’s my kids filling the hall, and sometimes it’s something quieter that sneaks up, like health or marriage or creativity.
Anne Welsh
It doesn’t mean I’m failing at the rest of the stuff, it just means I’m conducting a different moment in the score. And the same is true emotionally.
One of the biggest traps that I see, especially for mothers, is believing that whatever you’re feeling in the moment defines your whole experience. Anyone relate, right? If you’re having a hard day, you think I’m a bad mom. If you feel bored or restless, you think maybe I wasn’t cut out for this. If you enjoy going to work, you feel guilty like somehow that must mean I don’t love being with my kids enough.
But here’s the thing I want to offer you today, every emotion is just one instrument, one line of music one moment in the entire symphony, you can feel exhausted and still be a good mother. You can be grateful and still wish that things were easier. You can love your children and still need space from them. All of that belongs. It’s all part of the music.
So instead of asking, How do I get my life into perfect balance? Maybe we need to ask, what wants to be heard right now, what needs to rest, what solo have I been neglecting, and how do I trust that even the quiet parts still count? Because the truth is that harmony is dynamic. It’s not a state you reach and then hold. It’s a relationship between seasons, between selves, between moments. It’s not your job to do it all. You just need to listen to the score of your life and lead it with care.
Dr. Anne Welsh is a clinical psychologist, executive coach, and consultant. Dr. Welsh began her career at Harvard before taking her own step-back and opening her own practice with a focus on supporting working parents in growing their careers and families. She is an expert on the transition from working person to working parent, having dedicated her life to unraveling the interplay between career aspirations, personal fulfillment, and women’s mental health throughout the lifespan. She is certified in perinatal mental health, parental leave coaching, and Fair Play.
She is a mother of 4 and draws on her own experience as a mother, her research career in the transition to motherhood, and her 15 years in practice to help parents feel less alone, more connected to themselves and their values, and more empowered to make their own choices.
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