Honoring Yourself During the Holidays
By Veronica Kemeny, LCSW, PMH-C
Creating Values
As the holidays near, the busyness of the season often increases our stress level. The familiar tug of priorities can be overwhelming.
Some common themes are managing expectations from others, the pressure to create memories and the pressure to “enjoy every minute of family time.” Yes, we often associate activities with the holiday season but it’s important to do them because you want to and because they bring joy all the while avoiding a sense of depletion and overwhelm.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the term values refers to activities that give our lives meaning. Values are not goals in that we never “accomplish” a value. Instead, values are like a compass–they help us make choices based on the directions in which we want our lives to go. Creating your own values for the season can help you recenter yourself when you get pulled by competing demand and expectations of others.
Values are like a compass–they help us make choices based on the directions in which we want our lives to go.
Goals to Keep in Mind to Shift Your Experience this Holiday Season:
1. Create an internal sense of purpose and calm for this season. Lean into your values for the season.
Jump ahead and think about the end of the holiday season. What will you have hoped to have done? To have felt? Center yourself in those emotions and activities as goals for
this session.
If you notice a feeling of overwhelm, tightness in your body and resentment, you most likely have gotten pulled by other people’s expectations and priorities. Those are all signals that you have gone astray from your needs and wants.
Create statements and imagery grounded in what you want. Maybe it’s the image of yourself in front of a
cozy fire, under a warm blanket which evokes calm. Maybe it’s making holiday cookies with your kids and being silly in the kitchen.
Some statements that may resonate could be, “ I deserve to slow down and enjoy this season” or “I will check in with myself to stay on track with our values.”
Share your values and goals for the season with your partner and/or a close family member who can help you stay accountable to yourself. Check in with yourself often both emotionally and in your body to help guide your behaviors this holiday season.
2. Engage in lots of self-compassion
Self-compassion is so important when it comes to listening to your needs and wants. It means acknowledging that your needs and emotions matter and giving yourself the kindness and grace you would give others.
You do not need to be the perfect person, partner and parent this holiday season. You need to be you and center yourself on your internal values so you can look back and be happy with how you spent your time.
Goals to Keep in Mind (continued)
3. Set boundaries with family and friends
Boundaries. A popular concept for a reason! Most people never got a lesson on understanding your own boundaries, let alone permission to set boundaries.
Depending on how much you plan to deviate from people’s expectations of you, sometimes having a conversation with family ahead of time can set the groundwork for a more successful and values- driven holiday season.
This might sound like, “ We have decided to slow down this season so we may pass on some activities we normally do together. We value our time together and the holiday memories and will also be checking in with ourselves on what we need in terms of time at home and rest.”
4. Notice family dynamics and be kind to yourself
When family dynamics kick up uncomfortable emotions, notice those familiar feelings and take some time to do something for yourself to center yourself like some time alone, some breathing or engage in an activity that brings you joy.
Remind yourself of those values you set for yourself and center yourself on those rather than falling into familiar emotional traps and behaviors.
Overall, it can be a taxing season when we lose sight of what matters and don’t check in with
ourselves. Give yourself the kindness and self-compassion to shift how you handle this holiday
season if you have felt unfulfilled and depleted in previous years. You can create a holiday
season that is meaningful to you by checking in with yourself often and redirecting your time and
energy as needed.
Veronica Kemeny is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) with a certification in perinatal mental health (PMH-C). She is one of the founders of Anchor Perinatal Wellness, a new perinatal mental health resource in Raleigh. She is originally from Connecticut and moved to NC in 2015. She is bilingual in Spanish and is passionate about supporting parents as they embark on the complicated and fulfilling journey of parenthood. She has a 7 year old daughter and lives with her partner and daughter in Raleigh. In her downtime, she enjoys impromptu dance parties, spending time with family and friends and attending concerts.
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