Midlife Moms: What to Say When Your Doctor Dismisses Perimenopause Symptoms
By Kate Williams Stone
Because “You’re too young for perimenopause” isn’t the answer you want to hear!
If you’ve ever left a doctor’s appointment feeling brushed off, confused, or like you were overreacting, you’re not alone.
For midlife moms, medical dismissal around perimenopause symptoms is almost a rite of passage. 99% of my clients have experienced this, so you are not the problem.
Medical gaslighting is frustrating at any age, but for women juggling the emotional, physical, and logistical load of motherhood while in (peri)menopause, it can feel especially defeating. You’re managing carpools, careers, aging parents, and endless appointments… yet when you finally make the appointment to take care of yourself, you get told:
“You’re too young for perimenopause.”
“Your labs are normal.”
“It’s just stress.”
“Every mom feels tired.”
I know this because I’ve heard those exact lines myself and now I help other women navigate this same frustrating conversation.
The Day I Was Told I Was “Too Young for Perimenopause”
I remember sitting on the exam table explaining symptoms that had been creeping into my life: heavy bleeding that interrupted everything, sleep that felt impossible, moods that felt unpredictable, and fatigue that made even easy days feel like uphill climbs.
I wasn’t looking for a dramatic diagnosis. I just wanted someone to connect the dots with me for some solutions and relief or at the very least, listen.
Instead, I got a shrug.
A dismissive smile.
And then, the line I’ll never forget:
“You’re too young for perimenopause.”
It was a statement with no follow-up, no explanation, no curiosity.
I walked out feeling frustrated, and honestly… a little betrayed by a system that tells women to be proactive about their health and then ignores us for speaking up.
That moment taught me something:
Advocacy isn’t aggressive. It’s necessary.
And having the right words makes all the difference.
What to Say When Your Doctor Isn’t Listening
These simple scripts are simple, respectful, and powerful. Use them word-for-word or adjust to sound more like your voice.
When You First Sit Down
“I’ve felt dismissed by other doctors in the past, and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen today.”
This sets the tone immediately. It lets your doctor know you expect partnership, not a lecture..
If They Minimize Your Symptoms
“Can you help me understand why these symptoms aren’t significant? Because they’re impacting my daily life in a big way.”
It forces them to explain their reasoning while centering your lived experience.
If They Say Nothing Is Wrong
“I value your expertise, and I also value my own instincts. Can you walk me through how you reached that conclusion?”
OR
“Are there other possibilities we might not be considering?”
This is calm, collected, and keeps the door open for real dialogue
If They Blame Everything on Your Weight
“If weight loss weren’t part of the conversation, what would you recommend to a patient in a smaller body?”
OR
“I understand weight can play a role in health. But I don’t want to overlook something important. What else should we explore?”
This shifts the conversation from blame to actual health care.
If the Appointment Is Ending and You Still Have No Answers
“I think we should dig deeper. Should we book a follow-up visit or order additional tests?”
Your appointment shouldn’t end just because the clock ran out.
Advocacy isn’t aggressive. It’s necessary.
Why Midlife Moms Must Advocate for Themselves
Perimenopause symptoms can begin in your late 30s or early 40s. Heavy bleeding, brain fog, increased anxiety, fatigue, sleep disruptions, and mood swings are extremely common but also extremely dismissed.
When you’re told “it’s just stress,” you start to question yourself.
When you’re told “your labs are fine,” you feel ungrateful for wanting answers.
When you’re told “you’re too young,” you start to wonder whether you’re imagining things.
You’re not imagining anything.
Your symptoms are real. Your experience is real. And you deserve real care.
Want More Education, Tools, and Scripts That Help You Advocate for Your Care?
I created a free guide full of practical language, step-by-step advocacy strategies, and helpful examples so you never have to white-knuckle your way through another appointment.
👉 Download the FREE guide here!
You deserve to feel confident, informed, and supported — especially in midlife.
Kate Williams Stone is a certified non-diet health and life coach who helps women navigate the whirlwind of perimenopause with clarity and confidence. Once the picture of health, Kate found herself on a rollercoaster of health challenges in her early 40s—all linked to perimenopause. That experience ignited her passion for supporting other women through this complex and often misunderstood phase of life.
Kate works with clients 1:1 virtually and fosters community through HOT {flash} BOOK CLUB and in-person wellness retreats.
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