No, It’s Not Just in Your Head: How to Fight Medical Gaslighting in Perimenopause
By Kate Williams Stone
You walk into your doctor’s office feeling anxious, unsure, and maybe even a little embarrassed for bringing it up. The sudden fatigue, your widening waistline, the mood swings that feel like someone else has taken over your body—it’s not normal for you. And yet, you’re told it’s “just stress,” or “getting older,” or worse: “too early for perimenopause” because you are only 42.
I’ve been there—and it’s exactly why I became a perimenopause health and life coach: because every woman deserves to be heard, believed, and supported with the care she truly needs.
If you’ve ever felt dismissed, minimized, or talked down to during a medical appointment, you’re not alone—and you’re not imagining it.
This is what medical gaslighting can look like, and it happens far too often to women navigating perimenopause.
But here’s the truth: You are the expert on your body. You deserve to be taken seriously.
In this blog, we’ll talk about how to recognize when you’re being dismissed, how to advocate for yourself without backing down, and what to say when the care you’re getting just isn’t good enough.
Let’s get you the support—and the answers—you actually deserve.
Know the Red Flags of Medical Gaslighting
One of the first steps in advocating for yourself is recognizing the red flags of medical gaslighting. Phrases like “That’s just aging,” “You’re too young for menopause,” or “It’s probably just stress” might sound harmless, but they’re often used to brush off real concerns without proper evaluation.
These comments can leave you doubting your own experience and questioning whether your symptoms are “bad enough” to deserve attention.
But if something feels off in your body—you don’t need to justify it.
Your symptoms are valid, and any provider who dismisses them without a thorough conversation isn’t offering you the care you deserve.
You don’t need to have a medical degree to speak with authority about your own body.
Come Prepared with Your Own Data
When you walk into a doctor’s office with your own menopause symptom tracker and cycle log, you’re not being “extra”—you’re being empowered.
Need help with that? Download my Free guide here.
Clear, written data gives your provider something tangible to work with and makes it harder for anyone to dismiss your concerns as vague or emotional.
That’s why it’s key to go in armed with detailed information and specific concerns. Instead of saying, “I just don’t feel like myself” or “something’s off,” get extremely specific.
For example:
“My periods are ranging from 17 to 87 days in frequency, and the flow has become much heavier—soaking through a pad or tampon every 90 minutes. I’m waking up sweating 2-3 times a week, and my moods are swinging from tears to anger.”
See how those concrete details give your doctor a much clearer picture of what’s going on?
It turns vague frustration into actionable data.
It also reinforces that what you’re experiencing is real, consistent, and worth taking seriously. Think of it as advocating for your past, present, and future self—on paper.
Use Language That Commands Respect (Without Apologizing)
You don’t need to have a medical degree to speak with authority about your own body. Using clear, confident language—without apologizing—sets the tone for a more respectful, collaborative conversation.
At the beginning of your appointment, try something like: “I’ve felt really dismissed by other doctors in the past, and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen today.” This simple statement sets a boundary and lets your provider know you’re expecting to be heard.
If your symptoms are brushed off, resist the urge to shrink back. Instead, respond with: “Can you help me understand why these symptoms aren’t significant? Because they’re impacting my daily life in a big way.” This keeps the conversation going while reinforcing that your experience matters.
If you’re told everything looks “normal,” you can say: “I value your expertise, and I also value my own instincts and experiences. Can you explain what led you to that conclusion?” Or, “Are there other possibilities we might not be considering?” These responses assert your role in the diagnostic process—you’re not a passive recipient of care.
And if your weight becomes the focal point of the visit, try: “I understand that some health issues are connected to weight. But I want to dig deeper because I don’t want to overlook something important.” Or, “If weight loss wasn’t on the table as a solution, what would you suggest to a patient in a smaller body?” These statements push for more comprehensive care—not a one-size-fits-all solution.
Finally, if the appointment is wrapping up and you still feel unheard, it’s okay to say: “I think we should dig deeper. Should we schedule a follow-up visit? Are there other tests we could do?”
You’re allowed to ask for more time, more information, and more support.
Respect starts with you—so speak like you deserve it. Because you do.
Ask for a Second Opinion—And Don’t Feel Bad About It
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is say, “I’d like another opinion.”
Needing a second (or third!) perspective doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you thorough.
Your doctor works for you, not the other way around. You’re allowed to “hire” a provider who listens, collaborates, and respects your instincts—and to “fire” one who doesn’t.
If you’re feeling dismissed or minimized, that’s reason enough to walk away. You deserve care that honors your lived experience, and it’s okay to keep searching until you find it.
You’re the Expert on Your Body—Don’t Let Anyone Take That Away
You don’t need a white coat to know when something’s not right.
You live in your body every single day—and that makes you the expert.
Perimenopause is real, and it shows up differently for everyone. Your symptoms, your instincts, and your story matter. Reclaim your authority and remember: the right provider will treat your lived experience not as an inconvenience, but as essential data.
You’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. You’re advocating—and that’s powerful.
If you’re ready for support that centers you, a perimenopause coach can help you navigate symptoms, build confidence, and advocate with clarity. You don’t have to do this alone—book a free consult and let’s find a path that actually works for your life.
Was this blog helpful? You might enjoy this recent Mama Needs a Moment Podcast episode on the same topic.
Kate Williams Stone is a certified non-diet health and life coach who helps women navigate the whirlwind of perimenopause with clarity and confidence. Once the picture of health, Kate found herself on a rollercoaster of health challenges in her early 40s—all linked to perimenopause. That experience ignited her passion for supporting other women through this complex and often misunderstood phase of life.
Kate works with clients 1:1 virtually and fosters community through HOT {flash} BOOK CLUB and in-person wellness retreats.
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