Ep. 131 Timeouts, Trophies & Tough Calls: Mom Talk Gets Real w/ Cindi & Crissy

Show Notes:

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual—and even if it did, would we all agree on the rules? In this episode, Crissy sits down with fellow mom Cindi to tackle some of the most debated parenting topics: timeouts, participation trophies, and when (or if) it’s okay to let your kid quit.

From Cindi’s support of timeouts as a tool for calming and refocusing to Crissy’s emphasis on reframing them away from punishment, they explore how discipline can become a space for growth rather than shame. The conversation turns to participation trophies—do they build confidence or set kids up for failure? And when it comes to quitting, the duo wrestles with teaching commitment versus honoring a child’s evolving interests and well-being.

It’s a candid, compassionate, and sometimes conflicting conversation—just like parenting itself. Whether you’re rethinking your timeout strategy or wondering how to talk to your child about perseverance, this episode offers real talk, shared wisdom, and a reminder that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer when raising kids.

Here are the three main takeaways listeners will gain from this episode:

1. Timeouts Can Be Reframed, Not Removed
   Timeouts don’t have to be punitive. When used thoughtfully, they can help children calm down and reflect, especially when paired with safe spaces and emotional support.
2. Confidence and Accountability Can Coexist
   Participation trophies can help build confidence, but it’s equally important to teach children how to handle disappointment, build resilience, and develop good sportsmanship.
3. Quitting Isn’t Always Failing
   Allowing kids to quit an activity can be the right choice depending on the situation—but finishing commitments teaches valuable lessons in persistence, balance, and self-awareness.

Episode Notes and Resources:

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Transcript:

Crissy  

Yay. We’re here for a very special episode today. We’re gonna dive into mom hot takes, and I think this is gonna be a pretty fun conversation. And Cindi and I are gonna talk about if we agree or disagree on different topics that tend to be a little controversial. Of course, these are our own opinions. We wanna lead off with that. So Cindi, are you excited for this conversation?

Cindi  

A bit nervous, actually, because…

Crissy  

I knew you were…

Cindi  

I know, well, anytime I’m giving my opinion on something, I’m like, oh, people are gonna lash out. They’re gonna be like, Why do you think that? But I’m, I’m, let’s embrace it. Let’s do it.

Crissy  

Yeah, and I don’t think we’re talking about anything too controversial, we’ll leave that for your family Sunday dinner. This is just today. We’re talking parenting and discipline. So the first hot take that we’re going to dive into is timeouts. I grew up with timeouts. Did you grow up with timeouts?

Cindi  

I did not have timeouts, but I am a bit older than you, and we had more of the threatening of spanking or standing in the corner, things of that nature. I think timeouts came a little bit later, and in my personal opinion, I feel that they can be effective if they’re used in an appropriate way, personally, and from what I’ve heard from experts that we’ve discussed, we’ve had on the show before, and that we talked to quite a bit, time outs are a great way for you to remove them from the situation and have them redirected and give them a chance to basically refuel and get be taken away from the situation that’s actually triggering them? 

Crissy  

Yeah, so the question is essential or outdated, and I would largely agree with you, but I think a lot of what you’re saying hints at it’s a reframing, like in my generation, a time out or being grounded when you were older, was this, this punishment, like you go away, you sit in a corner with your back to the wall, way go way back in the day, you wore a dunce hat, you know, horrible, horrible. And that felt very punishing. It felt very attention drawn to you. Whereas, I think for from what I remember hearing from experts as well, is this idea that we need to remove you from the situation and give you a moment to calm down, and and you’re not a bad kid, you know, there’s just this behavior that we’re seeing that we need to stop in the moment, and let’s give you a moment to calm down. And I know a lot of people have calmed down corners and calmed down boxes, and I think that can be utilized in those situations, which changes the feel of the quote, unquote, time out. And I think it’s also important to note the child. I think every kid is different. And while our philosophies on parenting and punishment and discipline have changed. I still fully believe that every parent knows their own child best and what works or doesn’t work. And you know, I know there are parents that have tried everything under the sun, and I just want to pause and acknowledge that every parent knows what’s best. You know your child best, and have probably tried all the things, so definitely no judgment if it weren’t right in whatever capacity you use it.

Cindi  

I want to backtrack and say I 100% agree with you saying it’s it’s a reframing of of timeouts, because now that I’m thinking about it, I did have timeouts growing up, where I was sent to my bedroom, but it wasn’t called a time out, and it was where I was given that time, but I was taken away from the situation. And what experts basically say is, when you’re pushed to go have time in your bedroom, like I did, you’re basically giving them a message that their feelings are too big. You can’t handle their feelings. What they feel is wrong, etc. And I can see that. And so then the reframing has come into making it into a timeout. So rather than go to your room, it’s time for a time out, and for our kids, you’re right. We did try. It’s time to sit on this bench. It’s time to go over here and talk to them about their feelings, but we also had a safe space, and it was what you were kind of talking about, where it was, like this corner. So essentially, if I was sent to my corner when I was growing up, which happened very minimally, because I was a pretty good kid, but…

Crissy  

 Of course you were!

Cindi  

…it wasn’t a time out, essentially, you know, but just phrased in a different way. So our Safe Space was one of those IKEA toddler beds, and we made cushions and pillows and we made a contraption around it, with curtains, and so it was a place for them to go. Yeah, and recenter themselves, and maybe have a toy that helps them balance themselves, or, you know, just we sit and we talk to them about their feelings and whatnot. So that was beneficial for us.

Crissy  

And also, I guess I’ll throw out I did mention grounding as you get older, and I think you’re, you’re probably more in this space even than I am. What discipline looks like with older kids can be really tricky. I think a lot of it now is probably things like taking away technology and things like that. But grounding was used quite a bit. I wasn’t grounded very often, but there was, there was a couple times, and I think that that is another version, in a way, for our older kids. And I don’t know yet. I have no idea when my child gets older, where I’ll fall on that. I mean, I think sometimes it’s needed. If I look back at me as a kid, it was needed.

Cindi  

Yeah. I mean, we’re in it right now. We’re really in it, and you’re right! Every time you kept saying grounding, I immediately went to, oh, putting their feet in the grass. Grounding in that way. Not, like I’m grounded.

Crissy  

Honestly, it’s what they need even more than being sent to their rooms. You probably do need to put their feet in the grass.

Cindi  

They really do! They need to take some deep breaths. We try that. We try breathing. But more with our pre teen and teenager, we really try to have them have a voice and talk to us about things. Because when I was growing up, it was more of what your parents say goes, and now it’s we’re not like militant parents. We’re more of like a democracy, where we allow our kids to tell us how they’re feeling okay. Help me understand what is going on at this moment. What made you stay on your phone for an hour longer than you were supposed to, or whatever it’s supposed to be, and sometimes it’s ridiculous. I didn’t say what their excuses are, but I think it’s important that they have a voice. Let’s move on to participation trophies. Do you think they’re good for confidence or setting kids up for failure?

Crissy  

Good question! I have a mixture of feelings on this. I understand the science and the logic behind kids should not get a participation trophy, that participating is their reward, and that we want our kids to have the confidence to go into a game or an activity or a sport or whatever it might be, and to participate and know that maybe they don’t win, but That’s okay, and the point is to have fun, and there’s lessons, and when we give them this trophy, is that sort of detracting from the people that did have the skill and the talent to win, or taking away even from them when they do win in something so I do see that, and I probably lean slightly more towards that side simultaneously. As someone that often can see both sides of everything, I also can see the idea behind the premise behind it when it was first created, right? Like, let’s build our kids’ confidence. Everybody came and they tried their best, so let’s recognize them for that. Do I think that getting a little gold trophy or a little ribbon for every single activity is necessary. No, nor do I want all that junk in my house. 

Cindi  

Oh, yes, I’m with you! Yeah, you made a lot of great points. And I’m also one of those people that can see both sides, and I do see the benefits and the pros and cons to both of them. I do, however, try to think long term. And how is this setting our kids up to be able to deal with failure as an adult? You know, yes, you need to be focused on child development and understand that they are children with children’s brains, but we do have to prepare them a bit for what’s going to happen in the future and realistically. In a job, when you’re working, you do not get certificates for everything that you do, right? But I do understand that they are more fragile. Their egos are more fragile. You’re trying to teach them good sportsmanship. You’re trying to teach them teamwork and cheering on the rest of their teammates. If you don’t want it to become too competitive.

Crissy  

Do you really think that they’re more fragile? Or this is what I envision someone on the other side saying, Do you really think that they’re more fragile? Or have we created a situation in which they are, have we coddled them to a point where they’re so fragile? Because I think there are lots of instances, if we look over through time, where the. They haven’t been they can take a failure, and yes, it hurts, but there’s valuable lessons in that, and I think more than the trophy saying you participated, but hey, you still lost. Is after that event, when they lost, they come to you and they can cry it out. They can express their frustration, and you can co-regulate with them. You can hold space with them. You can acknowledge the pain. You can share your own stories where you feel and felt that same pain. And that’s a growing opportunity, and that, I think, is what strengthens that ego and strengthens that sense of inner confidence, is navigating through that and getting to the other side.

Cindi  

Yeah, oh, I 100% agree with that for sure. And fragile is probably not the right word. I think what I was trying to convey is that there’s still a work in progress. Well, we all are good grace. I can’t think of the right word to use. You know, they’re basically still building their brains. Yes, 100% exactly what you said. So what is our overall consensus on this? I don’t think that participation trophies are fully necessary. I feel like we have to interact with the child and talk to the child and make sure that they are processing their feelings and understanding it.

Crissy  

Okay, so here’s another hot take, similar topic, should kids be allowed to quit activities they don’t like?

Cindi  

Okay, so again, like with all of these, every situation is different. So if, for example, your child is participating in some sort of activity and it’s unhealthy for them. There’s bullying. People are treating them very poorly. They’re injured, you know, things like that. You have to take that, of course, into each situation. However, if my kid is healthy, and it’s just that they either don’t like investing the time in this particular activity, or they are, you know, wanting to invest more time in gaming versus, like playing pickleball or whatever they’re doing. You take it situation by situation. So if my child came to me and said, I’m not having fun, I don’t really want to do this anymore, I would encourage my child to finish out their commitment and say, we made a commitment. Let’s keep trying this and seeing how it goes. It’s a learning experience and just really trying to help them make it through as best as they can. What about you? What do you think?

Crissy  

Yeah, I don’t really have too much different to offer. I feel the same. I think that you make completely great points. Again, I’ll revert to the idea that we each know our own kid best. We have our own relationship with them. We know if there’s a certain line that’s being crossed, I think finishing your commitment. If you’ve signed up for a year of dance, you finish your year of dance, and then you can reassess. But finishing that commitment is important. I will also say that I don’t have a lot of personal experience in this, because with my daughter, and I only have one, she wants to do all the activities, and she never wants to quit anything, and she wants to keep adding more. So I have to force her. I’m like, No, we gotta quit something. So it’s kind of a different end of the spectrum. But if I think back to when I was a kid, in hindsight, looking back as an adult, there’s things that my mom let me quit all the time. I just said, Oh, I’m not really liking it, and she’s a single mom, she didn’t want to cart me around everywhere. I totally get that. In hindsight, I am like, if I had stuck with it, I would have been good at that. I wish that I had stayed in La Crosse. I wish that I had stayed in dance. I’m graceful, I’m strong, I’ve got a good eye and eye hand coordination. I would have been good at those things, but I wasn’t good for those first six weeks. I tried it, and I came home crying because I couldn’t do the pirouette or catch the ball with the net. And so there’s a fine line there, right? But at the time, I was so thankful to my mom. So there’s that weird again, going back to as a parent, in the moment you want to do what’s best for your kid, but also thinking about that sort of long term picture there. 

Cindi  

You want them to know that you’re hearing them, that you’re listening to them, that you’re taking into consideration their feelings about it. But you also want them to understand that if you’re not good at the first three times you try it, it takes practice and hard work in order to get good.

Crissy  

That’s how we learn consistency and persistency and tenacity by keeping with it. Those are incredibly valuable as adults in the working world and just in general, and we have to learn that somewhere. So I do think that’s a valuable place to learn that from. This was very fun. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions with me. Cindi, I love talking to you.

Cindi  

I love talking to you too. And I hope the listeners out there were able to gather something. We’d love to hear feedback.