Permission to Pause: Slowing Down When You’re Used to Powering Through
By Megan Davis, LCSW, PMH-C
Let’s face it, as mothers we are busy. We fold laundry when we’re sick. We pack lunches, make dental appointments, and help regulate our children’s emotions often before 7 am. We put thousands of miles on our cars getting ourselves and our family members to school, daycare, activities, work, etc. It’s no wonder we’re exhausted, yet when we try to rest it can feel like internally we’re still moving full speed ahead.
It’s a total Catch-22. Mothers get conflicting messages about and praise for powering through (“We can always count on her.”) and rest (“You can’t run on an empty tank”), leaving us feeling stretched thin and that we’re failing at everything. We’re expected to already know how to navigate these two very different experiences or even have a metaphorical on/off switch. But you and I both know that it’s not just that easy.
Why Slowing Down is Difficult, Especially for Moms
In our society, the mother who does it all and doesn’t have to ask for help is the ideal. She also gets bonus points if she does it all with a smile on her face. Being productive and having a full calendar is glorified and the role of being the mental keeper of all the things can feel like power, until it comes time to get off the hamster wheel.
When we are stressed and overwhelmed, our nervous system is activated, leading to the release of adrenaline and cortisol. These stress hormones increase our energy and heart rate while shutting down our non-essential functions to prepare us for a fight or flight threat. It can be difficult to reverse these bodily reactions immediately, which is why we can still feel that drive to do more or amped up when we take time to slow down. It’s like trying to stop your bike on a dime when speeding down a steep hill.
Additionally, we have the mom guilt and fears that keep us plowing forward even at our own detriment. Our minds are really good at taking us away from the present moment by focusing on all of the “to-do’s” or imagining what will happen if we fall behind. When we are hooked by these thoughts, our bodies react. Our minds can create really convincing stories leading us to treat everything as urgent – combine this with the rush of adrenaline and cortisol and we can push full speed ahead in a way that rivals Sonic the Hedgehog.
Ultimately you deserve kindness, compassion, and a break. No one will be able to make that happen but you and your future self will be grateful.
The Toll it Takes
You’ve likely read the articles and already listened to the podcasts about burnout and the costs of not taking time to slow down and rest. You’re likely reading this because you know powering through without slowing down isn’t sustainable over time. Even while you read this you might already be feeling irritable, exhausted, burntout, down, and stuck on autopilot.
Tips for Starting to Slow Down
- Slow down. Literally. We often don’t realize how fast we are moving through the day, especially when we’re trying to multitask or fit in as much as we can to our time awake. Walking slower while you’re moving from one room to the next or taking the dog for a walk will start to signal to your body and mind that there is no current threat.
- Explore your beliefs about rest. Take some time to examine how rest and slowing down was (or wasn’t) modeled throughout your life. What are some pre-existing narratives you have about rest? Does rest = laziness? Who/what determines what is deserving of rest?
- Redefine rest. Maybe slowing and resting doesn’t mean just lying down. It could be taking a moment to connect with your breath, finding a few minutes of quiet, or taking a break from sensory stimulation.
- Schedule downtime. Just as you schedule doctor appointments or haircuts, time to slow down can also be blocked on your calendar. Be mindful to hold boundaries with yourself so that you don’t schedule over it.
- Shift your mindset. Maybe you don’t have to do it all or do it perfectly. It’s possible to do something just good enough. What do you want to model for your own children about rest and slowing down?
- Load on the self-compassion. Learning to slow down doesn’t happen overnight! There will be times where it feels really uncomfortable, unnatural, and you’re doing it wrong. Keep in mind that this is all a process and the longer you’ve powered through, the longer it might take to get into a rhythm of slowing down that works for you.
- Share your intention. It’s easy to keep going as you have. When we’re learning to shift our behaviors it’s helpful to share with our support system what we’re trying to do differently so they can help remind us of our intentions and cheer us on. We don’t have to do this alone.
Ultimately you deserve kindness, compassion, and a break. No one will be able to make that happen but you and your future self will be grateful. What permission will you give yourself to let go of today so that you can slow down and rest?
About the author. Megan Davis, LCSW, PMH-C is a mental health therapist and mother of two specializing in supporting women experiencing anxiety and OCD throughout their reproductive journey. She has a private practice based in Raleigh and is also licensed in VA and SC. Megan believes therapy isn’t a one size fits all approach and offers a variety of services such as therapy intensives, walk and talk therapy, and self-care through floral design workshops.
For more information on Megan’s training, therapeutic approach, and services, visit www.megandavispsychotherapy.com. You can also follow her on Instagram @megandavispsychotherapy
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